amin.
its saturday. and i receive a sms from amin earlier asking whether i’m going to afiq’s house.. and that’s how i got to know that afiq is perhaps doing a birthday gathering at his place.
………………
……………………………………………
…….. …………. ….. ……………………..
I’ll tell you why..
It all started when basyir broke-up with farah and supposedly because of afiq indirectly. I supported basyir as he’s the longest best friend I know. Naturally, I got angry at afiq too. Nevertheless, I still wanted to hear his side of the story. But instead of coming up to us and coming clean, he stayed away. Not forgetting farah kept insisting in our faces that none of us know afiq as well as she did. Hah.
Eventually when we actually met after so long, I was instead blamed for not approaching afiq first & liyana and me were supposedly not in a position to question them because we were not around when it happened. Whut?! So, just because I took time off from hanging out to focus in school, makes me the indirect cause of it all? Righteous.
Consequently, led by syima, the group still asked afiq & farah to hang out. But we either get ignored, insulted or rejected. Basyir & me were still not comfortable to hang out with them. For Liyana, she tried unsuccessfully to contact farah & afiq individually to have a good talk.
Then this happened.
Syima was to have a spa session with farah. Afiq was gonna tag along. Syima invited Basyir to come along too. Mon night, Basyir, still feeling slightly uneasy, called Liyana & me up personally wanting us to come. Naturally we said yes. Oh and Basyir said syima wants us to come along too…
Tues night, while having dinner, Liyana & me had a discussion. We felt that if Basyir is still truly feeling uncomfortable when Afiq & Farah is around, we shouldn’t force it on him. He needs time to heal and its uncomfortable for friendship-sake at the same time. But we didn’t want to speak on his behalf, so Liyana gave him a call to discuss. After arriving to an understanding between the 3 of us that Basyir was not too keen either, we replied in the vip whatsapp group on how we felt. Syima took what we said and we moved on. Or so we thought. I texted basyir that night to no reply.
Weds morning, I texted basyir again to no reply. When I met Liyana after class, she too texted basyir earlier to no reply. At night, both of us texted him again to no reply. We were both getting worried so Liyana decided to give him a call to no answer too. I casually scrolled through fb and that’s when we found out that everyone were together for dinner. Not from basyir. Or syima. It was via goddamn fb.
When we were indirectly blamed for the break-up by not being there, we made a resolution to always be there by our friends as we do not want to see anything like that happen again. Now when we are actually here, getting involved, we were purposely left out?
We decided to skip the dinner together with basyir for basyir’s sake. In the end, he joined the dinner? We were ignored by him? No one had the initiative to tell us?
We actually got worried for basyir when he wasn’t replying us. The night before, basyir said he was gonna hang out with sher. And we told him that we wanna meet him after sher if he’s up for it. We were close to calling sher up. But guess not.
The first person who contacted us after liyana’s msg on whatsapp, was neither basyir or syima. It was afiq. The guy who is not involved is to be the first to get involved. Then syima called.
When we did not answer syima’s call, she texted us saying it means a lot that we did not answer & its up to us to make the effort now. Really? When the whole break-up incident happened, I didn’t see afiq make any effort to reconnect but u still contacted him every now and then. Why the double standards man.
When Liyana answered Syima’s call, they had an argument and when the question of why basyir did not reply/call, syima said he malas.. How do u think we felt? Practically everything we’ve done is to have basyir in mind so that he’ll be comfortable and so that he can move on, but all we got was basyir malas? Damn.
My girlfriend cried a lot yesterday. She cried from somerset to woodlands. She cried more after talking to syima on the phone. She’s hurt because she has really grown into the friendship and cares for every single one of them. And she has truly made the effort to change for the better so as not to offend people easily, syima especially.
As for me.. I just don’t know what to say. We’ve been friends for a very long time. You can’t even be honest with me? Ok.
Update: Friday afternoon. Syima decided to whatsapp us saying she has only 1 question to ask: what does our friendship mean to us? Why don’t you tell me, Syima. Liyana and me made our intentions clear with no hidden agenda about the meet-up. It was all supposed for Basyir’s sake.
BUT WE WERE STILL FREAKING KEPT IN THE DARK. Its as if we are the bad guys? The more i think about it, the more I get confused, upset. And everyone jolly well knows I do not get upset easily.
I am not staying away. I just had enough for now. I still have school work to do on top of all this drama.
Glad I have this blog to put out my rants.
If you really want to talk, you know where to find me. Or if you prefer to just explain, you can comment on this post.
Sem 1.1 Reflection – If only..
I procrastinated less.
Not get distracted easily.
It could have been..
Sociology B – 3.0(.55)
Gerontology B+ – 3.5(.64)
Marketing C – 2.0(.36)
Management C+ – 2.5(.45)
P.Speaking C+ – 2.5(.34)
AC Writing C – 2.0(.18)
APEL Pass
GPA 2.6
Marketing 100% 4 CU
- Mid-Semester Test 11/20%
- Class Participation 7/10%
- Group Project 14/ 20%
DONE 32/50%
Examination 38/ 50%
Total 70/ 100% Grade C+ GPA 2.6 – 2.9
Public Speaking 100% CU 3
SOS 25% ( Estimated 20%) DONE
Persuasive Speech 40% (Estimated 30%) In progress
Class Test 25% (Estimated 11%) DONE
Participation 10% (Estimated 9%) DONE
= Total 100% (Estimated Overall 70%?) Grade B GPA 3.0 – 3.4
Principles Of Management 100% CU 4
Quiz 15/20 -> 5% (4%) DONE
Test 16/40 -> 20% (8%) DONE
Project 25% (18%) DONE
Participation 10% (7%) DONE
DONE 37/60%
Exams 40% (28%) study smart & hard!
TOTAL 100% (65-69%) Grade C+ GPA 2.5 – 2.9
Gerontology 100% CU 4
Participation 10% (7%) MOST LIKELY Contribute more in tutorials, no missing lectures
Quizzes 20% (15%) DONE 30/40
Test 30% (12 + 6 = 18%) MOST LIKELY
Current -> 40%/60% MOST LIKELY
Project 40% (30%) In progress
Total 100% (70- 75%) Grade B GPA 3.1 – 3.4
Sociology 100% CU 4
Quizzes 20% (14.5%) DONE.
Term Test 13/40 -> 20% (6.5%) DONE
Project Consultation 7.5/10 -> 10% (7.5%) DONE
Essay 20% (12%) DONE
40 / 70 % DONE
Participation 10% (7.5%) MOST LIKELY – can contribute more in tutorial, missed 1 tutorial
Project Presentation 20% (15%) In Progress
Total 100% (60-64%) Grade C GPA 2.1 – 2.4
So far, not so good.
Halfway through the mid-semester tests now.
Have to admit, i am not expecting much from the results unfortunately. Only started studying intensively 12 hours before the management paper, though i have to admit that the intensive studying served me well. As for the sociology preparation, i was unable to maintain the same amount of energy and effort. That resulted in me constantly dozing off and the intensive part only came 2 hours before the paper started.
However, i am quietly confident that i will pass the management paper. As for sociology, i think i mainly crapped through the answers so i am not entirely sure of my chances. But i really sincerely hope that i will at least pass both papers.
2 papers left. An open-book marketing test tomorrow and gerontology the day after, which happens to be worth 30% of the overall score, the highest percentage among all the other modules test. I hope to redeem myself and do well for both.
Insya’allah.
Dont be Incertitude.
When i was still very young, i always wondered why couples everywhere like to quarrel. Then I’d tell myself that when i get older, when i get to be in a relationship, i will choose someone who understands me the way i am and accept me for who i am without wanting for any changes. I’m 21years old now. Let me tell you that its quite impossible.
The idea of wanting to change your partner is a two-edged sword. Simply because it can benefit the relationship on a whole if its a positive change, or just make each other frustrated when the attempt to change fails or one party is too stubborn to bother.
Change is good. But not all the time. Trying to change someone is good provided if its for the better.
I’ve always thought that all girls want their respective partner to be patient, responsible, understanding and sensible besides the obvious wants of a hollywood face that comes with washboard abs.
But I’ve come to learn that the assumption i made, based on observations of other relationships and exposure to mass media, is quite wrong. Girls want their boyfriends to be jealous, yet not over-jealous which i find it hard to find a balance. Being too understanding doesn’t work either as they might think that you don’t care for them as much.
What will be my ideal relationship be like?
My girlfriend would understand me as much as i understand her. But we have to also understand that we will never get each other 100% all the time. Even twins makes mistake sometimes.(ps: you know me so very well that i find it really incredible. But at other times, we seem to be always at loggerhead and i feel as if u don’t know me at all. I’m sure you feel the same way too. but i do not mind one bit cos i know we are still learning to insert each other into our everyday lives and there’re bound to be disagreements. we have argued, we will argue, we might argue. but what matters is we come out from it stronger yes?)
I’m open to changes if she needs me to and if its for the overall good. But if that particular something is really imbedded in my character, its really quite hard to change even if I’m willing to. (ps: you’ve always wanted me to change my character for the better, you make me have specific goals, aiming for a better future, be more religious and wanting a better life with you. its really awesome and i appreciate it lots. but when it comes to my character like me being friendly? its quite hard to change really. I agree that i used to be over-friendly last time and u advised me against it. As for now, i really think I’ve made improvement in that aspect. I am still a friendly guy but i know where to draw the line and i know which boundaries not to cross. This particular trait and others like being helpful, etc has been instilled to me ever since i was really young. And i hope you’ll see that these are positive traits that you knew was in me all along even before we got together. You should also know that these wont change my feelings for you in any way. I mean, isn’t that what matters afterall? I don’t care what the world might think about me but as long as i know you love me, I’ll be contented and satisfied.)
Accepting the fact that as much as i want my world to revolve around my partner only, it doesn’t. (ps: if possible, i want to cuddle with you all day long. i want to hold your hand and never let go. i want to stare into those beautiful eyes of yours and just let the world go by. unfortunately, in reality, i also need to go to school, be friends with people so they wont sabo me when it comes to project work and also be there for my close friends and family.)
Being able to share everything under the sun without getting misunderstood or judged. a friendly debate is even welcome anytime.
Loving each other unconditionally, trusting her that she wont break my heart and showing that she can trust me cos i will never break her heart. (ps: we’ve been together for quite a while now and i love you alot. i really do. but i really need u to trust me when it comes to certain situations and judgements. breaking your heart is the last thing i ever want to do and i think I’ve proven myself loyal and dedicated to this relationship and you to deserve that trust.)
This post is all over the place. But essentially, this is to answer your question that u posed to me over the phone earlier and also to re-iterate my point that that you do not have to feel insecure. i never want u to feel insecure about us. i love you and will always do. i will continue to try my best in making you feel secured in our relationship cos its the least i could do. i miss you. i hope you’ll read this with an open heart/mind and take some time to think and digest it.
ps: you the you the best. period. thank you.
